Just relax
Begin by making yourself comfortable wherever you are, in a chair, on the floor, as long as you’re sitting upright.
The chair is wrong I should adjust the chair I feel a twinge in the small of my back that could be the early stages of my grandma’s sciatica what if this is the only thing that she ever left me as inheritance obviously it’s all you deserved
Now, we’re going to take a few deep breaths. Just in through the nose…out through the mouth…notice the breath moving through you, the rising and flaling in your chest
How is this so complicated oh my god you can literally do breathing in your sleep how have you forgotten am I supposed to hold it between breaths you should have listened to him explaining it well it’s too late for that I think I held my breath too long and now I am running out of oxygen you shouldn’t breathe in too fast that will ruin it but I need it I want to gulp down the oxygen like I am drowning how can you be drowning you’re on dry land
Now, we’re going to start to notice each part of our body. Just let your mind check in on each part, starting with your head and working down. What sensations do we feel?
My brain is tight what do you mean your brain is tight I just mean it feels tight it feels clenched like a fist but your brain doesn’t have any muscles it can’t clench well explain the feeling of tightness then genius oh I don’t know maybe you have a tumour and it’s pushing outwards oh god you’re exactly right that’s exactly it I need to unclench before it explodes
We’re not going to judge the way we feel. We won’t try to change it. We’ll just make a note of it and let the attention keep moving down, down, down inside the body.
How can everything be clenched what is wrong with you I don’t know this is just how I feel I’m not supposed to change it but you can’t just go around like this all day this is supposed to be relaxing you have to try to relax I can’t try to relax if I’m trying then I’m not relaxing what do you think relaxing is fine do it your way clench yourself to death
Don’t worry about the thoughts that drift through your mind. We’re not going to try to control them. We’ll just notice them as they go by, and then try to let go, and return to the breath.
I’m going to be quiet now now now I’m being quiet are you being quiet yes I’m being quiet look I’m doing it I’m quiet silent now well done you’re very impressive thank you I have been struggling to be quiet lately I have been arguing with everyone it’s just fighting all the time I don’t know where it comes from you know where it comes from it comes from you being an asshole that’s not true I’ve been right every time yes but you can be right and still be an asshole look I’m trying to be quiet fine just notice this then
And now just slowly count the breaths as they go in, go out
One two I should apologize three five you should apologize six six seven I don’t even know where to begin eight shit was it eight one two alternatively you could not apologize and wait for them to apologize to you three four five six I think that’s actually a much better plan seven eight yeah who needs them anyway nine ten
Now slowly opening the eyes, taking a big stretch to wake ourselves up. I hope that this exercise has made you feel more relaxed and ready to face your day.
I do feel relaxed. Thank you.
